Old Movie Review

You're right, poster.... It's only a matter of time before Shyamalan finally retires. Based on the graphic novel Sandcastle, Old is the 14th film (12th in the limelight) from infamous writer-director-producer-actor-egotist M. Night Shyamalan. All I can say to that is... Fool Hollywood once, shame on you. Fool Hollywood twice, shame on them. Fool Hollywood fourteen times, and you pretty much know this guy isn't going anywhere. That's not to say that all of Shyamalan's films are bad, but the fact that he has become a Hollywood punchline and is still in the limelight is remarkably absurd. So, let's take a look at his latest trainwreck before dubbing it as a trainwreck... Oh wait, oops.

Quick Thoughts on Shyamalan's Past Films

I'll list these off in release order:

Praying with Anger & Wide Awake: Haven't seen them. Didn't know they existed until I looked up his IMDB.

The Sixth Sense: His best film. Even after you know the twist, the film is emotional to the core. My personal favorite Haley Joel Osment performance too.

Unbreakable: Better on the second viewing. The down to Earth nature of Shyamalan's directorial style surprisingly meshes with the superhero tropes he covers here.

Signs: This was the first Shyamalan film I had ever seen, and I loved it back then, but have since noticed a ton of issues, mostly with the whole idea of predestination being pushed to an absurd degree.

The Village: Boring as dirt. Ending sucked.

Lady in the Water: Never saw it. Nostalgia Critic's review is hilarious though.

The Happening: His worst film. Terrible performances, no suspense, cheap production.

The Last Airbender: Horrible adaptation of my favorite TV show. Never give Shyamalan a blockbuster budget again.

After Earth: Never saw it. Heard too many bad things about it.

The Visit: A return to form, but not by much. It was cool seeing Shyamalan combine comedy with drama for once.

Split: A solid albiet awkwardly performed thriller. The ending has a better understanding of movie crossovers than most other movies that attempt it.

Glass: Gets worse the more I sit on it. A disappointing conclusion to the Unbreakable legacy.

Now, let's talk about Old, shall we?

The Story

The film follows two families and a couple that all go on a vacation to calm their nerves after going through various medical and psychological issues. The resort manager talks all of them into shuttling to a private beach, but when they get there, they find that each of them starts aging rapidly; the families' kids grow older, the grandma of one family dies, and so on. Each of them continuously tries to find a way off of the beach, but any attempt causes them to pass out, so the chances of escaping the madness keep looking slim.

What's Good About It

The Plot is Engaging

This is always the tricky part of Shyamalan's films. He always gives just enough intrigue in his stories that you want to know what's going to happen next. I won't spoil the actual payoff of this film (partially because even that's a tricky treacle), but I can say I didn't want to stop watching.

Other Bits:

-The Cinematography (aside from Shyamalan's usual close-ups) Looks Great

What Doesn't Work About It

The Characters are More Quirky than Fleshed Out

Every character is written more to stand out than they are to serve a purpose in the story. This guy's a nurse. There's the kid that keeps asking adults their names and occupations. There's one character that keeps veering away from the situations at hand to fixate on a movie with Jack Nicholson AND Marlon Brando (It's The Missouri Breaks, now shut up!).

The Dialogue is Awful

This is ultimately what made the movie unpleasant and hard to watch for me. Nobody talks like a real person. No one line of dialogue sounds connected to the other. I felt like the script was being written by a computer that got common quotes from IMDB ("Is this some kind of joke?").

The Resolution is Weak

The best way I can describe the ending to this without spoiling is that it's a more plausible version of The Happening.  With that said, though, I don't fully understand what Shyamalan is trying to say with the resolution to all of this.

Where Should You See It? Streaming

As gorgeous as the cinematography was to see on the big screen at times, ultimately, this is a smaller in scale premise that doesn't require a massive screen and could actually look more beautiful on a 4K TV anyway. And trust me, you can wait 45 days for the "answers" this movie gives.

Overall Thoughts

Old is a capsule of everything good and bad about Shyamalan's filmography at the same time. It builds intrigue to the point where you don't want to stop watching, but due to horribly written dialogue and overly quirky characters, it's a bumpy road, and the ultimate destination is too weak to be worth such a trip. If you have more of a tolerance for Shyamalan's clichés, you might enjoy it fine, but for me, those clichés just haven't aged well.

My rating:

Space Jam: A New Legacy Movie Review

Ain't this a stinker.... A sequel to 1996's 90-minute Nike commercial, Space Jam: A New Legacy is one of many sequel ideas that had popped up ever since the release of the first movie. After Michael Jordan refused to return, however, several athletes were in negotiations to come in, including Jeff Gordon, Tiger Woods, and Tony Hawk. Eventually, the ball returned to the basketball court when a deal landed with divisive superstar, Lebron James. Will he be the carrot that brings Bugs Bunny back into stardom, or will this be a cheap shot that loses the game?

Quick Thoughts on the First Space Jam

I'll be perfectly honest.... As a kid, this put me to sleep, and as an adult.... It still puts me to sleep. The idea is cool and has potential, but the actual execution is weak. Michael Jordan is an incredibly bad actor, the Looney Tunes are more obnoxious than they are funny, and the commercialism is overplayed to the point of making the experience more obviously flashy than amusing.

And unlike many of the other films I've reviewed on here, the idea of a sequel doesn't exactly give the franchise an opportunity to improve. Regardless, let's see what we got.

The Story

Lebron James plays.... Well, Lebron James, superstar basketball player who is trying to push his son, Dom James, to improve on his basketball skills, but Dom holds more of an interest in video game design. One day, the whole family travels to Warner Brothers Studios where Dom gets sucked into the studio's mainframe and captured by an algorithm named Al G. Rhythm (ha ha), played by Don Cheadle. In an attempt to acquire more attention, Al challenges Lebron to a basketball game that, if he loses, he and Dom will be trapped in the mainframe forever. Lebron then gets sent to the "rejects," AKA the Looney Tunes, who agree to be Lebron's team for the game.

What Works About It

Don Cheadle is Delightfully Over the Top

I'll discuss the acting in this movie later on, but I will say that Don Cheadle is most likely the only live actor that's aware he's in a cartoon. It's not a good performance, per se, but compared to the rest of the performances, he was a delight.

Some of the IP Usage is Fun

Again, I'll discuss the IP usage later on, but towards the beginning, it works the Looney Tunes into IPs like The Matrix and Mad Max: Fury Road in a way I found amusing. There's one instance with Lola that I found especially cool and creative.

Other Bits:

-The Visual Style Looks More Appealing than the First Movie's

What Doesn't Work About It

The Acting (Aside from Cheadle) is Bad

I haven't seen Trainwreck, so I don't know what Lebron's acting range is like, but here, he's really bad, as is the rest of the live action family here. Everyone has a monotone delivery where they just say their lines with little to no expression. You can tell when they're supposed to hit their emotional notes, and they never do.

The Photorealism on the Looney Tunes Serves No Purpose

When I saw this in the trailer, I thought the Looney Tunes were going to look realistic in the same environment as the live actors, but the only time they look real is during the basketball game when Al just decides to say "We need an upgrade!" It's not as unappealing looking as Sponge on the Run, but it's.... pointless. 

On a side note: You could replace the Looney Tunes with any other group of characters and it would make no difference. In the first movie, the aliens were trying to acquire the Looney Tunes as an attraction, but here, Al is trying to acquire Lebron. Why does he need the Looney Tunes?

The Movie Relies Far Too Heavily on IPs

Easily the biggest problem with the movie is that, towards the end, it relies far too heavily on external Warner Brothers characters. One or two easter eggs in the background is one thing, but this movie fills its background audience with identifiable characters, which makes it hard to pay attention to the characters in the foreground you're trying to get us invested in.

Where Should You See It? HBOMax

My fiancé and I watched the film on HBOMax and had no issues with it. There was nothing large scale or massive that made me wish that I had seen it on the big screen.

Overall Thoughts

I'll be fair here.... This movie gives exactly what it advertised, it just so happens that what it advertised wasn't very good. The acting is flat, the Looney Tunes are pointless and overly gimmicky, and the IPs end up stealing the show. If all of that sounds like your cup of tea, have at it, but for me, it's about time this franchise calls a time out.

My rating:

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions Movie Review

I'll give the movie this: It certainly made the theater feel like an escape room. A sequel to the January thriller from 2019, Escape Room: Tournament of Champions brings all of the same people (minus a few actors, obviously) that worked on the first movie back for round two. Anybody who saw the first movie knows that this sequel had quite a bit to live up to, as, without giving too much away, the first movie did leave a ton of questions unanswered. But even if the film doesn't resolve that, it still has the potential of being a fun thrill ride, right? Potential is the key word.

Quick Thoughts on the First Movie

I saw the first Escape Room this past Wednesday night before seeing the sequel, and I genuinely found it to be a well-crafted, suspenseful, well-paced, and creative thriller that played with its idea effectively..... For the first two thirds. In its last third, it goes downhill by setting up all kinds of ham handed coincidences and spending too much time sequel baiting. There was at least one other creative escape room, but aside from that, it didn't wrap things up as well as it should have. I am glad I saw it, though, at least for those first two thirds, and I was glad that it got a sequel since it spent so much time hyping us up for the sequel.

And what exactly becomes of that? We'll get to that in the proper section.

The Story

In this sequel, Zoey and Ben from the first movie take a trip to track down Minos, the organization that almost killed them in the first movie, in an attempt to bring them to justice. This leads them to a train car that they later find out contains four other survivors of the escape rooms that detatches from the rest of the train to throw them into another round of escape room survival.

What's Good About It

The Bank Escape Room is Cool

There's one escape room that I found creative, suspenseful, and cool looking. In it, they're in a bank, there's a safe on the other side of the room that serves as the exit, and between them and it was a series of tiles where, if you step on the wrong one, it activates deadly lasers. Out of five escape rooms, that one was the most engaging.

Other Bits:

-It looks nice

What Doesn't Work About It

The Film Has No Respect for its Audience's Intelligence

Part of the fun of the first movie was trying to figure out the puzzles along with the characters. It knew just how much information to give so that we could play along in their deadly game. In this one, everything is either spelled out for you (There's one part where the film shows you everything in its power to visually tell you that their train car is becoming electrified, and they still have one character flat-out say "This whole car is completely electrified!") or it throws so much information at you that you can't keep up with it, so either way, you just sit there bored.

The Pacing is Awful

Whether it's in what's supposed to be quieter moments or in its thrilling moments, this movie never takes a breath. It's just constant noise and constant talking with no space or rest inbetween. A similar comparison would be Rise of Skywalker; if you've seen that, this movie is a similar experience. A good example of how rushed this movie is: You remember in the first movie where the characters all had that moment where they just sit in a room and talk before the action started up? Yeah, they just jump right into the action here.

It Never Answers Any of the Lingering Questions

If this is the reason you're considering going to see this movie, I would advise you save your money. Not only does this movie NOT resolve any cliffhangers from the first movie, but without giving anything away, I think it raised even more questions. The series, so far, is playing out like a TV show; leaves you hooked on a cliffhanger to get you to watch the next episode, only to have that episode leave you on another cliffhanger for the next episode. There is one key difference between the two, though; I generally only have to wait a week for an episode of a TV show. NOBODY IS GOING TO WAIT TWO YEARS FOR YOU TO DUPE US AGAIN!

Other Bits:

-The Ending is Predictable, but Also Farfetched

Where Should You See It? In Theaters (HEAR ME OUT)

Now, let me make this perfectly clear: I'm basically suggesting that you don't see this movie at all. It's garbage and I don't recommend it..... But if you HAVE to see it, seeing an escape room movie in a dark theater is still the better experience. It honestly makes me wish I had seen the first movie in theaters.

Overall Thoughts

I hope that my hatred of this movie was made clear enough. It's not fun, thrilling, or engaging in the slightest. Its pacing is rampant, there's never a sense of a cognitive process, and it just leaves you with more questions than answers. I didn't love the first movie, especially not as much as I wanted to, but anything enjoyable about it is absent here. Bottom line: Lock this one up and throw away the key, because my timer has just run out.

My Rating:

Black Widow Movie Review

Glad to have you back, Marvel! We've missed you! Black Widow, the first and presumably only solo movie to feature Scarlett Johansson's character of the same name from the various Marvel Cimematic Universe movies, is one of the more infamous cases of a movie getting delayed time and time again due to the pandemic. Thanks to finally convincing Marvel Studios to do day-and-date releases on Disney+ Premiere Access, though, the film got its theatrical release after about four trailers and, from my experience, being advertised before every (and I mean EVERY) movie that was released in theaters. So, on one hand, I'm always one to rush out to see every Marvel movie, but on the other hand, the overstretched advertising campaign did put me in a lull. (Side note: A similar scenario is still ongoing with No Time to Die.) But with that said, how does the actual film hold up?

My Quick Thoughts on the MCU

Short and sweet: I love these movies. I have seen all of the movies in theaters, I have all of the Blu-Rays, and even when a lesser movie like Thor Ragnarok comes around (I know what I said, and I stand by it!), I still keep that track record because I love following these characters and these stories so much! My favorite of the movies, as well as one of my favorite movies in general, is Avengers: Infinity War. My favorite solo movie is Doctor Strange. I don't really consider any of the movies bad, but the least good for me are Thor: The Dark World and The Incredible Hulk. As far as I'm concerned, though, these movies (and Disney+ shows, side note) are still going strong, and if Black Widow is any testament, they'll continue to be strong.

The Story

After a prologue from 1995, the film kicks off immediately after the events of Captain America: Civil War where Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow, played again by Scarlett Johansson, as she is on the run from the U.S. government. Things get complicated, though, when her adoptive sister, Yelena Belova, played by Florence Pugh, sends her a package that indicates that she needs her help taking down an old enemy. From there, they go off to retrieve their old "family", including their "father", Alexei, previously known as the Red Guardian, played by David Harbour, so they can get what information they need to accomplish their mission.

What's Good About It

Scarlett Johansson is Great as Always

What can I say? She has sold the role just as much as the rest of the Avengers cast. When she needs to be funny, she can be funny. When she needs to be emotional, she sells that really well. What else can you say? She is Black Widow.

David Harbour is Great Too

Harbour was already a standout actor as Hopper in Stranger Things, and here, he's great as both the emotional father-not-father who is trying to connect with his daughters but also aware of his past mistakes and hilariously as the previously famous superhero being overshadowed by Captain America. Again, he sells both roles perfectly.

The Trailers Did Not Give Too Much Away

Again, this is one of those movies that had to restart its marketing campaign four times, and in those campaigns, I was afraid that we would see too much of the movie before seeing the actual movie (as we had with last week's F9). Luckily, there was still a substantial number of surprises in this film. The biggest giveaway from those trailers was Black Widow's white suit. That's impressive. 

Other Bits:

-The Action is Well Constructed

-The Cinematography is Gorgeous

-(Most of) the Rest of the Cast Does Good Too

What Doesn't Work About It

Florence Pugh is Bland in This

I remember all of the tweets I kept reading saying that Florence Pugh was this standout actress, does a phenomenal job, amazing performance... And then I see her in the actual film, and all I saw was the same facial expression throughout the film, and all I heard was the same monotone voice. On top of that, a huge amount of her dialogue is exposition. It probably wouldn't bother me as much if not for the hype behind it. Like, this is supposed to be the standout performance of the movie?

Other Bit:

-Every vehicle crash in this is CGI

Where Should You See It? In Theaters (in 2D)

This should be a no brainer. The movie has all of the spectacle and high-octane action that Marvel has been known for bringing to the big screen. If you can, see it in theaters! (Side note: My theater had a few 3D screenings, and nothing about the film stood out as needing to be seen in such a premium format. Stick to the 2D.)

Overall Thoughts

Marvel once again brings us the movie magic with Black Widow. I can't call it one of my absolute favorites, but it was still surprising how good it was and a ton of fun. And if this is Scarlett's last outing in the MCU, then I wish her well and thank her for getting one last movie to us (and if not, I look forward to more in the future).

My rating: